You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
