I am puke
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
