We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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