Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
