I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i think i have herpe
just one?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
