Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
