Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hippo gnu deer
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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