she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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