i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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