I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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