bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If I die, sorry about rent.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize