I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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