Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
