I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize