I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
