Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize