cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
