If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The adults are the big ones right?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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