Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
