I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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