Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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