Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
