So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
there is glitter all over my balls
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
