I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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