That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
