Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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