I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
