Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
