They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
