Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
