: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize