he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
