i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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