Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Your cock deserves a montage
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
