And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
