i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
