I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You may now shotgun with the bride
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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