she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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