I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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