i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize