The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
