we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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