I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Randomize
