Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
