she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
