The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize