im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
