Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
