he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
