I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
