You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Randomize