please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
