Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
