i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
