Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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