Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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