No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
