Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
