forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
tell me about the eggs
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
