ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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