I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
