Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
