Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she told me i tasted like america
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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