Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize