I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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