I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
