I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
