I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
