I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
