Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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