she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
