We won't sleep together?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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