Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
