Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
