U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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