its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
