got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
