dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
