You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
