How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so let's talk penis.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
