ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
