Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
