NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
