Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
