Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
