Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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