Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
