were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
