"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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