oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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