Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
