just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
