somebody snuck up and got me drunk
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
