Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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