He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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