why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Quick, to the slutcave!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize