The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
