She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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