Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
