I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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