I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
