i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
