Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
