my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
