I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize