Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
