Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
