Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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